Monday, October 25, 2010

Poetry is full of annoying similes. like a- oh, hell.

this day could have been a hell of a lot better.
       I mean, it also could have been way worse, but it's bad enough that I really really really wish I didn't live at home.
But no more bitching about my stupid life and stupid family.
Today I want to talk about other things.
This would be easier if other things were on my mind... which there aren't, it seems...
well that's dissapointing.
On another note, I have reasonable excuse to be excited for Thursday, because I've been allowed to beleive that I get to hang out with two very important people in my life. Riley, and Cal.
God, I love music. It's too bad that I'm not actually very talented at music. I mean, I'm in an A Cappella choir, but that doesn't mean anything. I mean, I wish I was talented at an actual instrument, or that I could write songs. I can't. Alas.
But then if I was a songwriter, I'd have to actually be a poet. I kind of hate poetry. It's too...I don't know, sentimental? It never feels truthful to me, because there is no humor in it.
That's the thing about us. Humans, I mean. There has to be humor.
I don't mean funny, haha humor. I mean...human humor.
When we die, we should die with a smile, because we're human. We can never be completely consumed by one emotion anyway, and everything, even death, has a beautiful, strange realism about it.
Which brings me back to poetry...
I have read too, too few poems that give me a feeling realism along with the other emotions that are meant to convey. I mean, I understand you're writing about being depressed...but I don't think that you are, because you don't sound like a human being to me. You only feel this emotion. What ever happened to that dry, sarcastic humor that litters your conversations with your teachers, friends and parents?
Make a joke! Life SUCKS!
And to the people who write about how they're so happy that it seems that the sun shines our their asses...Not everything is that happy, and you're making me sick. Tone it down.
Umm...yeah, that's all I needed to say.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

(stop conspiring, stop conspiring, stop conspiring)

Okay. So I looked for perfection.
I didn't find it.
Really, man. I hate to tell you, but you were so right.
She MUST like him more than you! I mean, have you seen the pictures? And Christ, has she EVER left you a cute little comment on your profile?? I doubt it.
You, however, seem to leave one every damn time you see that skinny, big-nosed brat.
(I don't say that because I'm jealous. I say that because SHE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU! honestly, nobody does, because you treated me much the same way, but still.)
I really can't help it. I'm praying that you two break up.
I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm an awful, horrible human being. Maybe because somewhere deep down inside I still really want you back, even though that would mean that I lied to myself and to Ceilie.
Maybe...maybe I want to see you in emotional, relationship pain? Heartbreak?
Maybe I just don't think you deserve to be happier than me.
That must be it.
I'm still going to pray.

Starting a new thing...

I've never been a blogger before. Always planned, never attempted.
That seems to be a rather...common...attribute to my life. I always plan, yet nothing ever gets done. Well, I'm going to change that.
I'm a writer. No, I can't really say that...I'm GOING to be a writer. Whenever I finish a damn thing.
Lets hope that this sets me on the right path, eh? I love fiction, especially Historical Fiction, but the thing is that even though I know I will one day, most likely, write YA(young adult) Fiction, I can't help but feel that it'll be more truth than lie. The problem that I have with Fantasy Fiction, and Sci-fi, is that...none of it is-real.
Call me an idiot, I know it's not SUPPOSED to be real, but as a 16-year-old, I don't WANT to be told fairy tales of sparkly vampires or werewolves. I want to feel that someone, somewhere out there, feels vaguely what I'm feeling. Has been there, in some form, and came out completely and totally great. Not perfect, God, not perfect at all, do I say this...
So that's what I plan to try to do.
Anyway, this should be some form of motivation, since nothing else I've tried has been successful. I know that if I don't put my mind to trying it now, by the time I'm expected to succeed, I'll be years behind, and I don't want that kind of pressure.
So, until I have another thing to tell you, I guess I'll see you later.
P.S. I don't want you to get the wrong idea, I really do want to be a writer, but I'm also using this blog for daily thoughts, issues, words, and abuse. Because when it's over the internet, I can tell you a secret. The good thing is that you don't even know if I'm using my real name, so I'm technically safe.